Archive for July 22nd, 2012
I am 13 and I’m happy but have strange thouts, suicidal and stuff. I am sorta scared but i DO LOVVe LIFE? What is wrong with me?
A: There’s probably nothing “wrong” with you. You are 13. It’s a time when kids begin to ask the big questions about life and death and meaning and relationships and everything else. People who are smart and sensitive and curious about life often explore all sorts of things that are strange or different or even scary. It’s part of figuring out who you are, what you want out of life, and what possibilities are available to you. You will discard some of the ideas. You’ll decide to go after others. All this is entirely normal.
What is sad to me is that there are so few places where a teen can talk about these things without being worried about being judged and criticized. I hope you have parents you can talk to. I hope your best friends are the kind of people who can share what they are thinking without worrying that it will be all over the school in the next 10 minutes. If you are a person of faith, I hope your church has a youth group that offers a sanctuary for exploring your innermost thoughts and feelings. If you don’t have any of those places to do safe exploration, I hope you can find a school counselor or therapist to talk to.
Do keep exploring. It’s the only way to figure out who you are.
I wish you well.
I’ve never been really close to my mother. But just about a year ago we became even more distant, being that my brothers ex girlfriend has been living with her. My brother is in prison; he and his GF are no longer together. My mom says she just “likes” her and they have a lot in common. This young woman is 23, has no job, the mentality of a ghetto fifteen year old, and I strongly believe that she smokes meth and has gotten my mother hooked on it too (which my mom denies, but her rapid weight loss tells me otherwise). She lives off of my mom for free. My mom does not call me. She always finds an excuse as to why she cannot visit, the few times she has, this girl is always there. My mother also does not contact my grandparents anymore. My question is: Should confront this girl and tell her I want my mom back and she needs to leave? Or do I just forget about my mother and let her live her own life the way she wants?
A: Your mom has made her choice and while it is unfortunate, your brother’s ex is a symptom, not a cause of the problem. Your mom seems to have shut herself off from the family – and that includes you. You want what your mom could be, not who she is.
It is time to grieve the loss of the mother you never really had so you can move on. Once you stop trying to get what can’t be given you will no longer feel depleted. Let go of trying to get something your mom can’t give. In this way you can find positive, loving relationships instead.