Archive for category Family
I inherited a house I lived in for 12 years with my family, from my grandpa for taking care of him until his death. My parents constantly state that I stole the house from them.
My father lost his job and they moved in with us. They constantly verbally abuse me front of my children calling me improper names. My brother also moved in with his PitBull who attacked my 12 year old daughter and killed her guinea pig front of her. It took me 3 hours to calm her and my parents response was it was my daughters fault for holding her pet. I asked my brother to remove the dog.
We took my daughter on vacation so she can rest from he trauma; I asked my parents to please make sure the dog’s belonging is gone when we return. It was not; therefore I asked my father why very nicely and he attacked me. I had 5 witnesses and he swore that I will never be able to keep my house he will make sure of it. I asked him to leave the house and never came back. This is not the only time he has treated me this way. He hit me until I was 21 and when I was pregnant he cursed my child in my stomach hoping she would die front of strangers on the street. My mom also blames me for how my brother turned out. She says it is all my faoult because when I was 16 I worked too much instead of raising him right while she was at work.
I know I am abused but they always make me feel guilty and I forgive them. This time I am protecting my children who I raise with love and respect. Did I do the right thing by throwing my parents out? Also, I never asked my brother to leave but he broke many things in the house and told me he never wants to see us again. Should I report the incident to the police? Pitt-bull attack and vandalism?
A: Please listen to your own good sense. You are living in an environment of domestic violence. Just because these people are related to you does not, not, not mean that they are entitled to abuse you emotionally, verbally, and physically. You have been worn down to the point that you can no longer see clearly how badly you are being treated and you accept the blaming and shaming. You have nothing to apologize for! The abuse is now being extended to your daughter. Let the tiger-mom in you come out. She needs your protection.
You can’t just tell these people to leave. They will make you miserable. They’ve already shown they are capable of violence. You need support and legal help to separate you from this family safely. Please look at this website to learn how to go about getting the help you need.
If your family has access to this computer, delete this message and your inbox history and use the computer at your library or at a friend’s house to explore your options.
These people are dangerous. Protect yourself and your daughter.
I wish you well.
Hi, I’m 14. I’ve been in high school for about a year now. I started becoming very very lonely. I used to go out with my “friends”. Now I stay home every single day & it’s summer. I sometimes cry myself to sleep because I feel so unwanted! My parents are divorce, I live with my dad & my dad HATES my mom. I haven’t seen my mom in 4 years. Witch probably makes me so emotional. I sometimes even cry because I don’t think I feel love or understood by anyone. I don’t like talking a bout my feelings to people because I feel unwanted, I feel like they won’t care. I keep so much to myself. It brakes me. I believe my dad is Bi-Polar & has anger issues, witch could be a reason why I get mad very easy. I hate my body so much! I’m fat! Im very insecure. I have so much emotion in me. I’m always sad, I could be happy for one minute then back to sad. I also sleep my whole day away.
A. It seems as though you may be experiencing symptoms of depression. You have negative thoughts, you don’t feel good about yourself and you are withdrawing from friends and family. Your feelings may be related to the breakup of your parents’ marriage or their contentious relationship. They may be so focused on battling each other that they are neglecting your emotional needs.
Another aspect of this problem is that you have been without your mother for four years. It is unclear why you have not seen your mother for such a long time but this likely is contributing to your problems.
I would strongly advise you to speak to your father or other members of your family about the possibility of professional help. Don’t ignore these problems. Your symptoms need to be addressed. It seems as though your father is currently unable to meet your emotional needs and if that is the case, then you should seek help from a mental health professional. A therapist can assist you in developing coping skills and the processing of your feelings in a psychologically healthy way.
If you feel uncomfortable approaching your father about this issue, then as soon as school begins next month, speak to a guidance counselor. The guidance counselor could assist you in addressing these problems or refer you to a mental health professional.
In the meantime, force yourself to be in the presence of others. That may not be easy but do it anyway. The less that you are isolated, the better. Isolation increases the likelihood of negative feelings. I would also encourage you to begin writing in a journal. A journal could be helpful in a number of ways including being a release for your emotions and documenting your symptoms. When and if you have the opportunity to meet with a mental health professional, having those notes from your journal could greatly assist the therapist in determining what might be wrong. Please take care.
I come from a very driven family and have always felt the need to be perfect, accomplished and intelligent.I have frequently accused of over-thinking things. Up until the last year or two, this condition has not bothered me. Recently however, it has started to severly hinder my life. I cannot trust my family because I feel as if I am constantly checking and rechecking their words or actions. Any time my mother gets frustrated with me, I instantly feel like I have failed and start defending myself. This has caused much strife between my mother and I. It has also tainted my relationships with friends. Sometimes, I feel so insecure and afraid I don’t want to be around any one at all. I want to push all my friends away and have everyone leave me alone. The worst time is when I feel this way with my significant other. I simply cannot allow myself to trust him even though I want to. I feel torn, unsure and scared. I am constantly checking and rechecking his words and actions. I constantly feel like I am not good enough. I have this huge fear of being compared to his ex girlfriends and I will never allow myself to accept a compliment from him, or anyone for that matter. I feel as if I can’t get my mind to be at peace. I just want to be able to trust someone and not constantly doubt them. I want to be able to feel ok with having someone be in my life and not feel the urge to run them off.
I have not sought any medical attention since I do not want to make a big deal out of it with my family. I have tried researching what disorder or phobia might be causing these symptoms with no luck. Do you have any insights, opinions or information that could help me get over this constant uncertainty?
A. I am not certain exactly what you meant by the expression “constantly checking and re-checking” the words and actions of others. Does that mean that you are questioning them about what they’re saying? Are you attempting to ensure that what they’re saying is accurate? It would’ve been helpful to have had a more thorough explanation of what you meant by that phrase.
Your inability to trust may be your way of attempting to protect yourself from being hurt. It seems as though you are constantly in a defensive mode. Individuals who are characteristically defensive often are that way because they don’t like to be wrong. Being wrong, in their mind, might equate to being “no good.” They don’t take criticism easily and feel as though it is an affront to the core of their being.
At the heart of the problem may be a lack of confidence. If you don’t feel good about yourself, then what others say about you may be perceived as an attack. This hypersensitivity to criticism may be part of the problem.
This problem is “severely hindering your life.” For that reason, I would highly recommend counseling. You stated that you do not want to “make a big deal out” out of this problem but left untreated, you risk ruining every important relationship in your life. Without those relationships, you will be unhappy. You may only need a few counseling sessions to adjust your thinking. I hope you will consider counseling. Please take care.
I’ve never been really close to my mother. But just about a year ago we became even more distant, being that my brothers ex girlfriend has been living with her. My brother is in prison; he and his GF are no longer together. My mom says she just “likes” her and they have a lot in common. This young woman is 23, has no job, the mentality of a ghetto fifteen year old, and I strongly believe that she smokes meth and has gotten my mother hooked on it too (which my mom denies, but her rapid weight loss tells me otherwise). She lives off of my mom for free. My mom does not call me. She always finds an excuse as to why she cannot visit, the few times she has, this girl is always there. My mother also does not contact my grandparents anymore. My question is: Should confront this girl and tell her I want my mom back and she needs to leave? Or do I just forget about my mother and let her live her own life the way she wants?
A: Your mom has made her choice and while it is unfortunate, your brother’s ex is a symptom, not a cause of the problem. Your mom seems to have shut herself off from the family – and that includes you. You want what your mom could be, not who she is.
It is time to grieve the loss of the mother you never really had so you can move on. Once you stop trying to get what can’t be given you will no longer feel depleted. Let go of trying to get something your mom can’t give. In this way you can find positive, loving relationships instead.
My mother is a schizophrenic. My mother is around 47 years old and she’s had schizophrenia since before she got married in her 20s I guess. My mother has turned against almost all of our relatives, we have no family friends and we barely go out. As they create scenarios in their mind and believe it’s true. I have a feeling my mother is gradually turning against us. Is this possible?
Also, I have a feeling that my brother (21) has also been genetically affected. Some people believe it might be some sort of demonic possession as the effects are on and off, but I think it might be schizophrenia. Can schizophrenia be passed on genetically?
A. Yes, unfortunately, it is possible for an individual with schizophrenia to “turn on their family.” I worked on a research study in which we were attempting to build a website for individuals with schizophrenia and their family members. We had to alter our recruiting process because we found that so few individuals with schizophrenia had retained positive connections with their family.
It is important to separate the individual from their illness. In other words, an individual with schizophrenia might “turn on their family” because of their symptoms, not because they don’t love their family. Individuals with schizophrenia are not thinking clearly. Schizophrenia is a thought disorder. Delusions, hallucinations and paranoia interrupt an individual’s logical thinking ability and tricks them into believing in a false reality. That is the cruel nature of the disease.
I worked with a client who believed that her husband was plotting to harm her. Every move he made was perceived as being part of his plot to harm her. At one point, she called the police and falsely reported that he was dealing drugs just so he would be arrested. She only did it because she wholeheartedly believed that he was attempting to harm her. He was not but in her illogical mind, he was. By having her husband arrested, she was attempting to protect herself.
In many ways, schizophrenia is a family disease because it affects the family to such a large degree. In the example above, it would’ve been understandable for the client’s husband to have been furious with her for having called the police but he realized that she did it because of her illness. No one wants to have or chooses to have schizophrenia. Schizophrenia afflicts people of any gender, race, or socioeconomic status.
With regard to schizophrenia being passed on genetically, it is possible. Having a family member with schizophrenia increases the likelihood that other family members will develop the disorder. It does not guarantee that members of the family will develop the disorder but the genetic risk is real, though slight.
Your brother is also showing signs of schizophrenia and “some people” believe that he is possessed by demons. Historically, individuals with schizophrenia were thought to have been possessed by demons. The current understanding of schizophrenia is that it is a brain disorder that is brought on or exacerbated by stress. If your brother is experiencing signs of schizophrenia, then he should be evaluated by a mental health professional immediately. Time is of the essence with regard to schizophrenia and psychosis. The sooner that he can begin treatment, the sooner his symptoms can be decreased or eliminated.
I would recommend contacting the National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI). NAMI is an advocacy group that provides support and psychoeducation about mental illnesses. Many NAMI members have family members with mental illnesses and can relate to your situation. I wish you the best of luck.