Posts Tagged Adult

Are You In a Healthy Relationship?


Are You In a Healthy Relationship?

by YourTango Experts

Are You In A Healthy Relationship?This guest article from YourTango was written by Susan J. Elliott.

In the years I’ve been counseling and coaching, many people say, “I know I’ve been in sick relationships, but I don’t know what a healthy relationship looks like.”

There are many long and complicated answers to this, but there is also a simple one: healthy relationships make your life larger and happier; unhealthy relationships narrow your life and make you crazy.

Healthy relationships do not include mind games, mixed messages, or control.  There is not a back and forth or continual makeup and breakup, or “I’m sorry, please forgive me” every week or so.

 

In healthy relationships, there is a partnership and a nurturing by both parties of that partnership.  At the same time, each person recognizes the need to have interests and time away from their partner to nurture themselves. They don’t need to have the same interests, but rather the same view of life. Healthy love is about taking care of yourself and taking care of your mate… and those things are in balance to the point where they seldom collide.

What is Real Love?

Healthy people lead to healthy relationships and healthy relationships lead to real love.

Real love does not seek another person to fill up what we are lacking. It takes a complete, whole person to really love and overly needy people cannot do it. Real love is balanced. Both partners love in fairly equal amounts. While the balance may shift back and forth, it is not lopsided. If you love someone who is not loving your back, or not loving you the way you love them, then it’s not real.

When you place expectations on people to fill your empty places, that is not healthy. It’s nice to have a partner, a companion, someone to help you weather life’s storms, but it is not okay to look for someone to complete you or fix your broken places. That is not real love; that is dependence, co-dependence, and unhealthy neediness.

Real love does not play games, cause us to lose sleep, friends, jobs, money, time and value in our lives. Real love is an enlarging and not a narrowing experience. And finally, real love does exist. But it is true that in order to find the right person, you need to be the right person.

To be the right person you have to do your work, examine your failed relationships and, find the patterns. Go to counseling if you have historical issues. Find out why you are attracted to a certain type that is not good for you. And, at the same time, build your life so that you are an independent, interesting, and attractive person.  You will attract other independent, interesting, and attractive people who are capable of good and loving relationships.

As I say over and over again, water seeks its own level. If you are attracting and attracted to unhealthy and dysfunctional, you are unhealthy and dysfunctional. Do your work so that real love and lasting love has a chance to walk in.

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Response to painkillers may be linked to genetics


Response to painkillers may be linked to genetics

Susan E. Matthews

MyHealthNewsDaily

How the body responds to opiates — the powerful, pain-relieving drugs that carry a high potential for addiction — may be partly determined by genetics, according to a new study.

Researchers studied 121 pairs of twins to look at the role of genetics in people’s reactions to the pain medications. They found that genetic predisposition accounted for 59 percent of the variation between people’s levels of nausea, 36 percent of the differences in how much people disliked the drug and 38 percent of the variation in itchiness in reaction to the drug.

The findings are important because the degree to which people experience unpleasant side effects, and like or dislike the drugs, can be a sign of how effectively the drugs treat their pain, and their potential to develop addiction, the researchers said. Liking a drug increases the susceptibility to addiction, while experiencing negative side effects decreases it.

Genetics matter … people are different, and if we understand why they are different, we can take better care of them,” said study author Dr. Martin Angst, professor of anesthesia at the Stanford University Medical Center.

It’s well-known that the pain relievers cause extremely different reactions in people, but the new study gives researchers a better understanding of how genetics could play a role in those reactions.

“Patients vary dramatically in how much pain relief they get, what extent they suffer from opiates and how much pleasure they get from opiates,” Angst said.

Opiates: reactions and addictions

Nearly 2 million people in the U.S. are addicted to prescription painkillers, a 2009 government survey found, and the problem is growing. Painkiller addiction often begins with a patient taking legitimate prescriptions.

Researchers believe the addiction problem could be curbed if people’s reactions to the drugs were better understood, or could be predicted. Some patients may require 10 times the typical dose for adequate pain relief; others prefer lower doses that cause less extreme side effects, even though it means experiencing more pain.

In the study, participants were randomly assigned to receive either a small amount of a short-acting opiate or a placebo, followed by a heat probe or ice-cold water. Researchers spent 6 hours with each participant, but didn’t know which treatment they’d received. General tolerance to pain was also assessed by applying the heat probe or cold water without any medication.

The study demonstrated that one of the most uncomfortable side effects, nausea, is strongly inherited, as genes account for almost two-thirds of variability between people.

The more severe side effects that come with opiates include slow breathing, which can result in death. Genetics accounted for 30 percent of the variation between people in respiratory depression, and 32 percent of dizziness, the study found.

Opiates represent a “double-edged sword — they’re really important drugs to relieve pain, but they come along with side effects,” Angst said.

More personalized treatment

This line of research could result in a more personalized approach to administering the medications, the researchers said. Someday, people could be screened prior to use so doctors could understand their predispositions, and respond appropriately.

For example, screening could prevent a patient with a low tolerance for opiates from getting a high dose that could bring such euphoric feelings that they predispose the person to seek out the drug in the future, which could be the start of an addiction, said Dr. Doo-Sup Choi, who studies addiction at the Mayo Clinic.

Angst said further research must be done to determine which genes affect tolerance.

The study of 242 participants was large considering the amount of time spent with participants, and it was well-designed and well-performed, Choi said.

The study was published Wednesday in the journal Anesthesiology.

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via Response to painkillers may be linked to genetics – Vitals.

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Young men more vulnerable to relationship ups and downs than women


In the study of more than 1,000 unmarried young adults between the ages of 18 and 23, Wake Forest Professor of Sociology Robin Simon challenges the long-held assumption that women are more vulnerable to the emotional rollercoaster of relationships. Even though men sometimes try to present a tough face, unhappy romances take a greater emotional toll on men than women, Simon says. They just express their distress differently than women.

Simon’s research is published in the June issue of the Journal of Health and Social Behavior. Anne Barrett, associate professor of sociology at Florida State University, co-authored the article.

“Our paper sheds light on the association between non-marital romantic relationships and emotional well-being among men and women on the threshold of adulthood,” Simon says. “Surprisingly, we found young men are more reactive to the quality of ongoing relationships.”

That means the harmful stress of a rocky relationship is more closely associated with men’s than women’s mental health. The researchers also found that men get greater emotional benefits from the positive aspects of an ongoing romantic relationship. This contradicts the stereotypic image of stoic men who are unaffected by what happens in their romantic relationships.

Simon suggests a possible explanation for the findings: For young men, their romantic partners are often their primary source of intimacy — in contrast to young women who are more likely to have close relationships with family and friends. Strain in a current romantic relationship may also be associated with poor emotional well-being because it threatens young men’s identity and feelings of self-worth, she says.

She also explains how men and women express emotional distress in different ways. “Women express emotional distress with depression while men express emotional distress with substance problems,” Simon says.

While young men are more affected emotionally by the quality of their current relationships, young women are more emotionally affected by whether they are in a relationship or not, Simon says. So, young women are more likely to experience depression when the relationship ends or benefit more by simply being in a relationship.

For the study, Simon and Barrett analyzed data from a large sample of young adult men and women in south Florida. The survey data was originally gathered for a long-term study of mental health and the transition to adulthood.

Simon says there is much still to learn about these relationships between men and women in early adulthood, so she advocates for more research on this prolonged and varied period in the life course that is characterized by identity exploration, a focus on the self, and forging new relationships.

via Young men more vulnerable to relationship ups and downs than women.

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