Posts Tagged Gender Male

Can Partner Lose His Interest in Boys?


I have a partner and we have been together for 15 years. I was 18 when we met and he was 33. Our whole relationship we have struggled with his attraction to younger men. He dated a 16 year old for 6 months when he was 31. We have went to a therapist over it and they have told me that since he has been with me he has not made any advances onto a young boy. But I catch him watching 12 year old boys wrestle, kiss or anything else he can find on youtube. I am not sure what to do. I love him and we have a life together, but this worries me.

A: It should worry you. Being sexually aroused by young boys is not a benign paraphilia. A young person could get hurt. Your partner could land in jail. At 18, you fulfilled his fantasy of being with a young boy – and you were legal. I’m concerned that 15 years later, now that you are clearly an adult, sex with you may not be enough to gratify him.

It is true that as long as someone has strong impulse control, he may never cross the line. However, some of the leading researchers who study pedophilia believe that indulging in watching such videos is a slippery slope. It encourages an objectification of young boys and reduces the older person’s ability to empathize with what they might feel if he approached them. Further, being with a lover is not a reliable deterrent for inappropriate or illegal sexual activity.

It’s not enough to hope that because he’s with you, he won’t act on his impulses. It’s important that he has a clear plan for staying on the right side of the line. That includes having empathy for children, having a well articulated plan for keeping children and himself safe, and being clear that he does have control over his choices. If that hasn’t been talked about specifically in therapy, it should be. If the therapist isn’t comfortable with a frank and detailed conversation about it, please find a therapist with expertise in the issue.

People do have control over their proclivities. But they have to be committed to it. I hope your partner is being honest with himself and with you.

I wish you well.
Dr. Marie

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Someone is Trying to Control Me


Okay so I have this guy in my head who is putting thoughts in my head, thoughts about self injuring again and all over my body, it gets worse every night.He has been there off and on for almost two years, but this time I don’t think that he will be going away. He was only there when I was having trouble at school with bullies or fears that it would happen again, but i am on summer break right now and he is back. Sometimes I can actually feel him in my head, like there’s a lot of pressure in my head.

Some nights it gets so bad that he makes me walk towards the knives in the kitchen but i walk away and i just end up pacing back and forth trying to keep control. I can’t yell back because when I do I start shaking really bad as he starts trying to take control to show me not to mess with him.
My diagnosis so far is depression and social phobia but I think there is something else wrong with me. I have a appointment with my psychiatrist in a week and two days for a med change.

Now there is more people after me, again, they are a secret government that controls everything. They left me alone for a while but now they are back and I have to wear a scarf to hide my face. Sometimes i feel like others can read my mind so I have to think of something else when I am putting in passwords or listen to music to confuse them.

I just don’t know what to do or what will even help anymore. I mean i try listening to music, watching videos, drawing, spending time with family but nothing seems to help because nothing can really hold my attention anymore.

A; The first thing to do is to see a medical doctor for a complete medical workup. Sometimes delusions like these are caused by things like a vitamin deficiency, an electrolyte imbalance or a brain tumor, to name only a few possibilities. I’d hate to have you go on heavy-duty psych meds if the problem is physical.

If you are medically okay, then you need to take your letter and this response with you when you see your psychiatrist. A psychiatrist relies on you to provide enough information to determine an accurate diagnosis and to work out a treatment plan. Unless you are completely honest about what you are experiencing, your psychiatrist is left to guess – not a good basis for prescribing medicine.

If you do have a mental illness, I strongly suggest that you get started with some psychotherapy as well as medication. You need more relief than meds alone will give you. A therapist can provide you with important support and can help you learn additional ways to cope.

I wish you well.
Dr. Marie

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Shattered Hopes and Dreams


I had my dream and aspirations regarding my career for so many years which all got shattered due to my inability to pass the competitive exam. The aim which i always cherished didn’t fructify …Now i am in a state of despondency, frustration,hopelessness.Now i feel as if there is no purpose or motive of my life….

I am in my home along with my parents without any job….As i didn’t get the vocation i wanted…other things seems meaningless to me and moreover i don’t feel like joining any other sector…..The things which i always aimed at for the last 20 years were never achieved……(as far as my academics and my career is concerned).Each day seems like a day of burden and sorrow…i don’t like to talk to anybody nor i am able to enjoy with anyone because each time my failures crops up in back of my mind….My girlfriend too deserted me

Please help me how to come out of this despondent situation

regards

A: You do have my sympathy but I’m going to give you a little “tough love.” I think you are having a tantrum. You didn’t get what you wanted so now you are taking your mind and education and creativity “home.” It’s as if you are telling the world that because you didn’t get what you wanted, you aren’t going to contribute at all. I happen to think you – and the world – deserve better.

Please – get yourself an appointment with a career counselor. I understand you didn’t get the career you wanted. But the same training that you did so diligently for so long probably also prepares you for other opportunities. There may well be related options that you don’t even know about. Sometimes, people find there are even better ways to use their training. You won’t know until you talk with someone who has expertise in such matters. You certainly aren’t going to find a basis for success by sitting in your room feeling sorry for yourself.

I hope you pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and get motivated instead. Only you can turn this situation around. Find a therapist if you need some support. Please don’t let a setback this year become a basis for a lifetime of failure.

I wish you well.
Dr. Marie

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