Posts Tagged Occupation

Should I Have Thrown out my Parents?


I inherited a house I lived in for 12 years with my family, from my grandpa for taking care of him until his death. My parents constantly state that I stole the house from them.

My father lost his job and they moved in with us. They constantly verbally abuse me front of my children calling me improper names. My brother also moved in with his PitBull who attacked my 12 year old daughter and killed her guinea pig front of her. It took me 3 hours to calm her and my parents response was it was my daughters fault for holding her pet. I asked my brother to remove the dog.

We took my daughter on vacation so she can rest from he trauma; I asked my parents to please make sure the dog’s belonging is gone when we return. It was not; therefore I asked my father why very nicely and he attacked me. I had 5 witnesses and he swore that I will never be able to keep my house he will make sure of it. I asked him to leave the house and never came back. This is not the only time he has treated me this way. He hit me until I was 21 and when I was pregnant he cursed my child in my stomach hoping she would die front of strangers on the street. My mom also blames me for how my brother turned out. She says it is all my faoult because when I was 16 I worked too much instead of raising him right while she was at work.

I know I am abused but they always make me feel guilty and I forgive them. This time I am protecting my children who I raise with love and respect. Did I do the right thing by throwing my parents out? Also, I never asked my brother to leave but he broke many things in the house and told me he never wants to see us again. Should I report the incident to the police? Pitt-bull attack and vandalism?

A: Please listen to your own good sense. You are living in an environment of domestic violence. Just because these people are related to you does not, not, not mean that they are entitled to abuse you emotionally, verbally, and physically. You have been worn down to the point that you can no longer see clearly how badly you are being treated and you accept the blaming and shaming. You have nothing to apologize for! The abuse is now being extended to your daughter. Let the tiger-mom in you come out. She needs your protection.

You can’t just tell these people to leave. They will make you miserable. They’ve already shown they are capable of violence. You need support and legal help to separate you from this family safely. Please look at this website to learn how to go about getting the help you need.

If your family has access to this computer, delete this message and your inbox history and use the computer at your library or at a friend’s house to explore your options.

These people are dangerous. Protect yourself and your daughter.

I wish you well.
Dr. Marie

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Can Partner Lose His Interest in Boys?


I have a partner and we have been together for 15 years. I was 18 when we met and he was 33. Our whole relationship we have struggled with his attraction to younger men. He dated a 16 year old for 6 months when he was 31. We have went to a therapist over it and they have told me that since he has been with me he has not made any advances onto a young boy. But I catch him watching 12 year old boys wrestle, kiss or anything else he can find on youtube. I am not sure what to do. I love him and we have a life together, but this worries me.

A: It should worry you. Being sexually aroused by young boys is not a benign paraphilia. A young person could get hurt. Your partner could land in jail. At 18, you fulfilled his fantasy of being with a young boy – and you were legal. I’m concerned that 15 years later, now that you are clearly an adult, sex with you may not be enough to gratify him.

It is true that as long as someone has strong impulse control, he may never cross the line. However, some of the leading researchers who study pedophilia believe that indulging in watching such videos is a slippery slope. It encourages an objectification of young boys and reduces the older person’s ability to empathize with what they might feel if he approached them. Further, being with a lover is not a reliable deterrent for inappropriate or illegal sexual activity.

It’s not enough to hope that because he’s with you, he won’t act on his impulses. It’s important that he has a clear plan for staying on the right side of the line. That includes having empathy for children, having a well articulated plan for keeping children and himself safe, and being clear that he does have control over his choices. If that hasn’t been talked about specifically in therapy, it should be. If the therapist isn’t comfortable with a frank and detailed conversation about it, please find a therapist with expertise in the issue.

People do have control over their proclivities. But they have to be committed to it. I hope your partner is being honest with himself and with you.

I wish you well.
Dr. Marie

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Husband is Driving Me Crazy


Everytime time i talk to my husband i get mad or aggravated with him. We have been togther a total of 4 years almost 5. i had to deal with him emotional cheating on me which i am not really over with cause the lack of trust. He would go on all types of websites and chats to find women talk to time while i was alseep, at work or anytime i was away he keeps on doing it even when i was giving birth to our second child. I ask him to stop and tell him it hurts me and even got to a point of me crying.

So now im trying to make it work with him cause he claim he stop. when i talk to him i feel like he talks to me with disrecpect. For examples l say i am going to talk a shower and he says good for you or i say your starting to make me upset and he says i am not your making your self upset . I always seem to get sacrastic or smart comments. I am a very strong woman and i always say what i have to but it like i am talking to a kid. I thought it could be a age difference cause im 23 and he is 31. I think he thinks i am young and dumb but i am far far from that. What should i do? I am at a lost.

A: I am very glad you wrote. Your marriage doesn’t have the foundation of trust and respect it needs. You may be strong, but with two children at only 23, you haven’t had the time to develop yourself or your marriage. You two don’t seem to know how to talk to each other or support each other. My guess is that you’re both stressed out.

I strongly suggest that you get some couples counseling. If you and your husband could solve these problems on your own, you would have done so already. Neither one of you is getting what you need in a marriage. Your children need parents who are more respectful and loving with each other.

I wish you well.
Dr. Marie

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Someone is Trying to Control Me


Okay so I have this guy in my head who is putting thoughts in my head, thoughts about self injuring again and all over my body, it gets worse every night.He has been there off and on for almost two years, but this time I don’t think that he will be going away. He was only there when I was having trouble at school with bullies or fears that it would happen again, but i am on summer break right now and he is back. Sometimes I can actually feel him in my head, like there’s a lot of pressure in my head.

Some nights it gets so bad that he makes me walk towards the knives in the kitchen but i walk away and i just end up pacing back and forth trying to keep control. I can’t yell back because when I do I start shaking really bad as he starts trying to take control to show me not to mess with him.
My diagnosis so far is depression and social phobia but I think there is something else wrong with me. I have a appointment with my psychiatrist in a week and two days for a med change.

Now there is more people after me, again, they are a secret government that controls everything. They left me alone for a while but now they are back and I have to wear a scarf to hide my face. Sometimes i feel like others can read my mind so I have to think of something else when I am putting in passwords or listen to music to confuse them.

I just don’t know what to do or what will even help anymore. I mean i try listening to music, watching videos, drawing, spending time with family but nothing seems to help because nothing can really hold my attention anymore.

A; The first thing to do is to see a medical doctor for a complete medical workup. Sometimes delusions like these are caused by things like a vitamin deficiency, an electrolyte imbalance or a brain tumor, to name only a few possibilities. I’d hate to have you go on heavy-duty psych meds if the problem is physical.

If you are medically okay, then you need to take your letter and this response with you when you see your psychiatrist. A psychiatrist relies on you to provide enough information to determine an accurate diagnosis and to work out a treatment plan. Unless you are completely honest about what you are experiencing, your psychiatrist is left to guess – not a good basis for prescribing medicine.

If you do have a mental illness, I strongly suggest that you get started with some psychotherapy as well as medication. You need more relief than meds alone will give you. A therapist can provide you with important support and can help you learn additional ways to cope.

I wish you well.
Dr. Marie

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Is Boyfriend Stringing Me Along?


Okay, so I’ve been talking to this boy for about 2 months now and as far as I was concerned everything was perfect. He’s totally successful, smart, funny, and everything I’m attracted to in a guy. Not to mention, the attraction is completely equal on both our parts. We’ve texted every day since we met, and even though we live 45 minutes away from each other, he still makes time to come see me at least once a week.

Lately, however, I’ve been feeling really confused. His text messages are a lot shorter, and usually consist of 1-3 texts between the two of us. I’m not the girl to blow up a guys phone, so normally I just let it go and wait for his text the next day or whenever he decides to talk to me again. It sounds pathetic on my part, but I’m not going to make a big deal out of nothing when it could be just him being a crap texter. Anyways, these past two weeks he’s still been texting me every day but sometimes when I respond to his text message…he’ll just drop off the face of the earth. He won’t respond to me at all, and I won’t even hear from him till the next day.

He also hasn’t made the effort to come see me at ALL in the past 2 weeks…I’m confused as to why he’s even wasting his time texting me if all he’s not even interested in actually talking to me. Is he stringing me along? We’ve already had sex and I think that’s why I’m getting myself so worked up about this….hopefully someone can solve the pieces to my puzzle here because it’s driving me INSANE.

A: During the first couple of months of dating, most new couples are obsessed with each other. Once that first blush of romance is over, a more realistic rhythm for the relationship sets in. You say this man is successful. That means he puts time and energy and focus into his work. He can’t do that and be totally available to you. For that matter, you can’t be successful at your work either if you are texting all the time.

It’s not at all unreasonable for adults who have careers and interests to only text or talk to each other once a day or to see each other once a week (as an example). What is unreasonable is not talking about what is reasonable.

You and your guy need to have a clear conversation about where this relationship is going and what you need from each other. What you see as only keeping contact may be making him feel crowded. What he sees as reasonable contact is, quoting you, “driving you insane.” There’s no right number of texts or talks or dates needed to make a relationship work. What is needed is an agreement that is comfortable for both of you.

I wish you well.
Dr. Marie

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Need Help with Extreme Anxiety


Middle of the night I wake up in a panic and need to check on my husband because I am sure that he died in his sleep. I feel his chest and cannot feel him breathing or a heart beat, I usually shake him or grab him freaking out which wakes him up. Some nights I wake up sobbing other nights my husband has to wake me up because I am crying in my sleep. I have done this with all of my children when they were little and my husband for years now but it was only once in a great while. Now it is much more extreme, at least once a week. I was the day time caretaker of my grandmother who passed away in January and I think that could be the cause of the increase in this anxiety. I need to know what this is and how I can make it stop. Please give me some direction .

A: I’m so sorry this has gone on so long without treatment. What you are describing is an anxiety disorder. Everyone who loves someone has some fears that something will happen to them. But in your case, those fears are in over-drive. I agree that the death of your grandmother probably exacerbated what was already a serious problem. Her death made your fears even more real for you.

I think you should consider seeing a mental health professional who is experienced with anxiety disorders. It might be helpful to take some anti-anxiety medication for awhile just to bring the anxiety down a notch to make it more possible for you to take advantage of talk therapy. Cognitive-behavioral therapy has been found to be the most useful approach for managing this kind of problem. You will learn ways to stop the negative thoughts and to replace them with reassurances on your own.

Please follow through and get the help you need. You – and your husband – deserve to sleep peacefully.

I wish you well.
Dr. Marie

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I’m Happy but I Have Strange Thoughts


I am 13 and I’m happy but have strange thouts, suicidal and stuff. I am sorta scared but i DO LOVVe LIFE? What is wrong with me?

A: There’s probably nothing “wrong” with you. You are 13. It’s a time when kids begin to ask the big questions about life and death and meaning and relationships and everything else. People who are smart and sensitive and curious about life often explore all sorts of things that are strange or different or even scary. It’s part of figuring out who you are, what you want out of life, and what possibilities are available to you. You will discard some of the ideas. You’ll decide to go after others. All this is entirely normal.

What is sad to me is that there are so few places where a teen can talk about these things without being worried about being judged and criticized. I hope you have parents you can talk to. I hope your best friends are the kind of people who can share what they are thinking without worrying that it will be all over the school in the next 10 minutes. If you are a person of faith, I hope your church has a youth group that offers a sanctuary for exploring your innermost thoughts and feelings. If you don’t have any of those places to do safe exploration, I hope you can find a school counselor or therapist to talk to.

Do keep exploring. It’s the only way to figure out who you are.

I wish you well.
Dr. Marie

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